Walls…those invisible self defense mechanisms that we believe will protect us from evil-doers. You know, those who might break our heart, deplete our self-confidence, steal our dreams, ruin us professionally…bottom line, those that, again, MIGHT harm us in some fashion.
Those barriers start small, maybe a brick or two but as life rolls on and the games begin, more and more bricks are used. Soon the wall is so high one cannot see over it. Instead of protecting us from something or someone harmful, perhaps our wall is hiding us from something or someone great.
I am all for not getting burned by the fire but I know you still need to keep warm. It is true that those who never love, never get their heart broken. Those that choose not to risk, escape loss. Those who do not step outside of the box, avoid being laughed at.
Goodness knows there have been plenty of times when I would have traded in my scars, losses and being ridiculed to steer clear of sorrow and shame. While I learned from those experiences, I also built myself, not one but a pair, of nice thick, sky-scraper-ish walls. So how does the riff raff still get in? Maybe that’s an answer to be contemplated later. I digress.
I have gotten so comfy behind my enclosure that I think it has become an extension of myself and the time it takes to push someone or something away has increased with seamless effort. That bodes well for me if I am being guarded from foul play but not so much if I am missing out on potential happiness, even if it is short lived, it’s still happiness.
My point is, I am realizing my walls are blocking my view and I want, no I NEED, to see. Also, being the people pleaser I am, I have spent an amazingly crazy amount of time assisting with or trying to break down other people’s walls. What’s up with that? Again, possibly another topic of investigation.
A dear friend recently said to me, “Shauna, it’s not your job to break down other people’s walls. Your job is to take yours down, brick by brick.”
I’m off to Home Depot to get tools…